


Blood.

by AllTimePhan73



Series: Jacksepticeye Ego One Shots [7]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 21:19:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14962364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73





	1. Chapter 1

Chase was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, his phone in front of him with a suicide hotline on loud speaker. His face was drenched with tears and he had drunk a large amount of whisky but not so much that he was completely drunk. In his hands was his razor which he just kept flipping over as he contemplated what to do with it.

He had been on the line for a few minutes and the guy on the other side of the phone had literally just gone through the protocol: _how may I help you?_ (maybe talk him out of suicide?), _don’t do anything, is anyone around, are you safe?_

He let out a loud sob so the guy on the line spoke again. “Would you like to talk about something to distract you?”

“What’s the point?” Chase muttered, finally finding it in him to press the razor into his forearm. His cries just increased in volume which understandably raised the guy’s levels of concern.

“What are you doing right now?”

“Bathroom floor... razor... don’t wanna say.” His words were split apart by his hiccups and sobs but the guy didn’t even seem fazed by it.

“Do you play video games? If you do, what’s your favourite?”

“I don’t like them but- but my friend does...”

“Tell me more about this friend.” Chase slowly started to tell the guy more about his friend that was more than a friend (Jack was very literally like a brother to him) and it helped distract him for a moment so he could pretend that, for once, everything was okay. He told the guy about Jack’s YouTube channel (not mentioning his name just in case the guy knew of Jack) and how he was one of the main reasons Chase was still on this planet.

After a few more minutes, Chase heard a door slam downstairs. His eyes widened and he quickly stammered out, “I need to go. One of my- my roommates just got home and they- they can’t see me like this!” 

“Before you go, I just want to say that it might be worth talking to them. If they’re a good friend, they’ll want to help you get better. You shouldn’t have to be facing this on your-“ He hung up and shoved his phone into the pocket of his jeans. His palms were sweaty so he rubbed them on his thighs before realising the one cut on his left arm was bleeding rather profusely. He swore to himself, swearing a second time when he heard his name get called. Due to the sheer panic he was feeling, he had almost completely sobered up.

He rushed over to the sink after grabbing a wad of toilet paper. The tears picked up again at that point so it was hard to see through his blurry, tear-filled vision. He pressed the tissue into his wrist, hardly noticing the sting that constantly lingered. It wasn’t long before his roommate knocked on the bathroom door and yelled, “Chase, you in there?”

Chase knew replying would be stupid of him. If he even said one word his voice would crack and give away the fact that he was crying and not in a very good state of mind. So he stayed quiet as he tried to stop the bleeding. When it finally subsided a little, he rummaged through the cupboard and found some bandages.

“Chase, seriously dude. You’re kind of worrying me.”

“I’m fine!” Chase shouted, wincing when the words did crack a little and give him away.

“Are you crying? Has something happened? Are you hurt?”

Deciding against replying again, Chase focused on wrapping the bandage around the single cut. It didn’t take long. He looked at himself in the mirror, fluffing his hair up to give it a bit more life and rubbing his eyes to try and make them less red (it had the opposite effect...). He finally unlocked the door and pulled it open, managing to force a smile to build on his lie. 

Jackieboy Man’s eyes immediately cast down to the bandage. 

“I cut myself like an idiot whilst I was cutting some vegetables.” He chuckled, his voice wobbly. 

“I don’t believe you.” The words lingered in the air for a moment before Chase swallowed thickly. 

“That’s what happened though, bro... I’m telling the truth.”

“Fine...” It was obvious that it was far from fine in the eyes of the hero but he decided against pressing the man any further.

That ended up being a mistake because a few days later, Chase was back on the bathroom floor. That time he knew Marvin was just a call away, downstairs practicing his magic. He had a gun in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other. He had downed half the bottle before he realised just what he was about to do.

He started to cry again before he placed the gun on the floor and picked up his phone. He found himself dialling the number for the suicide hotline again.

“How can I help you?” It was a female voice that time. She sounded timid and worried whilst the guy had seemed a lot more confident in his words. 

“I-I-“ Chase started but it was so much harder to get it out that time. Bottle of whisky on floor. Gun back in hand. His thumb ghosted over the trigger as he turned it to face him. His eyes were fixed on it as if he was having some sort of staring contest but loser loses their life. He hadn’t realised he hadn’t properly responded until the woman spoke again.

“Where are you right now?”

“Bathroom.” One word answers were so much easier. Mess. His mind was a mess. Everywhere was a mess. Everything was a mess. His breathing had picked up in frequency substantially so his head was beginning to feel light.

“Is there anyone with you in the house?”

“Yes.”

“A family member?”

“Friend.”

“Would they be able to assist you?”

Chase stopped replying again and pressed the end of the gun against his temple. He wasn’t really going to shoot and he knew that... he just wanted to feel the cold against his pounding head. Racing thoughts. He was out of breath. Tired. Exhausted.

“Sir?”

Chase hummed instead of actually replying, too enveloped in the coldness of the gun. It was soothing.

“What are you doing now?”

“Gun. Not going to shoot though.” But he could shoot, couldn’t he? It would be so easy and it would be over in a second. One minute movement of his thumb and it would all be over. No more pain. No more suffering. No more nothing.

“How are you feeling?”

“Absolutely perfect.” Gun down. Whisky in hand. Sip. Another longer sip. Whisky down. Gun in hand.

“Sir, can you give me an address for where you are? I think we need to get in contact with the-“

“No... no... I’m fine. Just so...” His words were beginning to slur and he was falling in love with the fuzzy numbness that was enveloping his body. “Tired.”

“Are you in a safe environment?”

“Do you actually care? Or are you paid to do this? Paid to care about a useless human being like me. Why don’t you just let me kill myself? The world would be so much better off without a burden like me in it.” The gun was back against his temple but his hands were much shakier that time. 

“We are not paid. We volunteer because we do actually care about you. We get hundreds of calls a day from people just like you and that’s what we’re here for. To reassure you that it does get better and you’re not alone. People say that all the time but because it’s true. We wouldn’t say it otherwise, would we? So, Sir, I think you should put that gun down or even get rid of it if you can. If you shoot yourself, you will never get better. You will never experience happiness again.”

“I’ve already given up. Maybe not in terms of taking my own life but by giving up on things ever getting better. My wife left me and took the kids with her. None of my friends care about me and I don’t even have any proper relatives that give a shit. I have no one. A grand total of no one.”

“You may feel that way but that is not true. I’m sure all of your friends and family care about you. You just need to talk to them about how you’re feeling and open up to them a bit more. I’m almost 100% certain they will want to help you.”

Chase sighed, his grip on the gun loosening. Gun down. 

“Please don’t take your own life. Talk to your friends instead. I know that they love you.”

“Okay.” Chase found himself whispering. “Thank you for doing this.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I wanted to do this.”

“You’re such an amazing person... I should go. Thanks for talking to me.”

“Thank you for calling. I’m so glad you gave this hotline a chance instead of just giving up.” Chase hung up the phone and got onto his feet. He physically refused to look at the gun and the half-empty bottle of whisky as he picked them up and placed them back into their draw in his room. He was shaky as he walked but that was mostly down to the fact that he was slightly tipsy.  


It was just his luck that he’d bump into Marvin in the hall. Marvin wobbled but quickly balanced since he was entirely sober. Chase, however, fell forward and just giggled gently as he did so. He didn’t even bother trying to stop himself from falling so Marvin caught him in his arms. “Are you drunk?” Marvin immediately asked but he knew it was a stupid question. Chase stunk of alcohol and his behaviour was that of the typical drunk. 

“I only had a little. Promise Marvy.” Chase mumbled, letting Marvin help him steady himself. 

“Where do you keep it?”

“Huh?”

“Where’d you keep it? You promised us you’d stop...”

“I am. Just needed... something...”

Deciding Chase was in no fit state to tell him the placement of his hidden alcohol stash, Marvin just helped him get back to his room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chase was back to the days when he had been an alcoholic. The first time he had drank too much was back when him and Stacy were in the prime time of their arguments. Chase would always get kicked out of their apartment after drinking way too much. Stacy would have had to call someone to pick him up because she refused to keep the drunk man in the house, especially around the kids.

The egos had helped him get back onto his feet and conquer his alcohol problem but he had relapsed again. He just really loved to forget the problems that constantly haunted his sober-self.

“Anti! Anti, Anti, Anti!” Chase giggled, wrapping his arms around the demon’s neck. He found a lot of amusement in dragging out the last syllable of his name whilst Anti just appeared extremely unimpressed at the childish behaviour. Anti was the one who had found him that time. He was in his bedroom, an empty bottle of whisky in front of him and his phone in his hands. He had the keypad open as if he was about to call a number but Anti had found him before he had typed anything passed the first two digits. Anti had generously lifted him up onto his bed and that was how Chase managed to cling to him like some sort of koala. 

“Get the fuck off of me.” Anti grumbled but Chase didn’t seem to budge. He rolled his eyes before bringing his hands up to Chase’s wrists and grabbing them. He gently pulled them away from his neck so that Anti was free again. Chase was weak in his drunken state so it was easy to pry him off of him. 

Chase literally passed out as soon as his head touched his pillows. Anti frowned at his sleeping figure, watching him for a moment before going back down into the living room to join the other egos. It wasn’t often Anti felt concerned for another being but, in that moment, he felt just that.

-

JJ was cleaning up the house since all of the other egos were too lazy to do it. He had gone into Marvin’s room, unimpressed by how messy it was. His clothes were covering the floor so that the carpet was invisible and random props for his magic were scattered in the most random places. Eventually he did clean it so he moved onto the next ego’s room.

Chase’s.

He put away the laundry first, despite not really knowing where Chase kept anything. He easily found the man’s draws for his shirts and trousers. He opened up the top draw of a smaller chest of draws in search for Chase’s socks but his mouth dropped open at what he found. A gun. He reached in and grabbed it, looking over both shoulders before he did so. He then left the socks and the other bits of washing he hadn’t gotten to on the ego’s bed so he could go tell the others about what he had found and ask them what they knew.

-

Chase exited the bathroom, actually feeling kind of okay for once in his life. He entered his room and brushed his wet hair but it wasn’t long before he noticed the draw. It had been left open and was obviously empty. “Shit.” Chase muttered, knowing that was exactly where he had left his gun. Someone had found it and taken it. He glanced at the laundry on his bed and knew immediately who it had been. JJ. He was the only ego who ever cleaned up the house. 

Before he could do anything, Anti had shown up in his room, looking fairly irritated. His hands gripped Chase’s collar as he shoved the man against the wall. “Why the fuck would you do this?!” He was yelling and it immediately sent a shiver down Chase’s spine. “You know how much we care about you! You can’t do this again...” He struggled in Anti’s grip until he somehow broke free. He then sprinted to the bathroom, shoving passed the other egos who were just coming up the hall. He locked the door behind him and rushed to the sink. He grabbed his razor and dropped down to sit on the floor with his back against the door.

His phone was in his pocket. He could call the number again. He didn’t.

“Chase!” Henrik yelled from behind the door. Chase wasn’t listening: he couldn’t. Everything was too loud and all he wanted was to get out and escape. “Come out! We can help you get through this.”

“No! No, no, no...” Chase’s hands were trembling violently as he craved the numbness that the alcohol granted him. He pressed the blade into his arm and cried out.

“We can’t lose you... remember how we reacted when we almost lost you the first time? It broke all of our hearts because we can’t live without you.”

Blood.

“What made you feel like this? Was it Stacy? That bitch never deserved you.”

Blood.

“Why didn’t you talk to us? You know we’re always here for you, right? We love you so much.”

Blood.

“Chase, we don’t know what to do... Just open the door and we can talk this over. We can get you help again and we’ll help you get better, okay?”

Blood, blood, blood.

“I called a suicide hotline twice. I was... so close.” Chase whispered. All of the egos on the other side went silent so that they could listen to what he had to say. “I had the gun up against my head and they managed to talk me out of it.” His voice was completely devoid of all emotion at that point. “I’m too much of a wimp to even do that. I’m so weak and pathetic...”

“You are not weak or pathetic. You’re so unbelievably strong and we’re proud of you.” 

“I want to die. Just let me die.”

“Chase... we can’t do that. You mean too much to us and we wouldn’t be able to live without you.”

“That’s a lie. You’d go back to normal eventually.”

“Life can’t be normal without you in it. Who’s going to listen to me ramble about the latest villain I fought?” Jackieboy Man asked, a hand on the door.

“And who’s going to watch my magic tricks?” Marvin chipped in.

“Who’s going to make me coffee when I’m stressed?” _Henrik._

“Who’s going to make me laugh when I’m usually just a moody little shit?” _Anti._

Chase stood up and murmured. “I’m bleeding. Don’t want you to see me like this.”

“We’re practically family and I’ve probably seen worse.” Henrik replied with a sympathetic tone.

“J-Just Jackie.”

“You only want me to come in?”

Chase nodded before remembering they couldn’t see him. “Please.” He then reached out and unlocked the door. Jackieboy Man slipped inside the crack and immediately frowned at the state of Chase. He grabbed some tissue and handed it to the man who was still in tears.

“Press this into the cuts whilst I get you some bandages, alright?” Chase nodded and followed the command but not without feeling slightly embarrassed that Jackieboy Man had to see him in such a weak position. Jackieboy Man returned a minute or so later to wrap Chase’s arm up.

“I’m sorry.” Chase whispered after he had finished. 

“You don’t have to be. We’re just all really worried about you.” Jackieboy Man pulled Chase into a hug so the man instinctively buried his head into the hero’s shoulder. “We want you to be okay. We are really afraid of losing you because you are very important to us.”

“I know... I don’t want the others to see me like this...” Chase looked up and his tear-filled eyes met Jackieboy Man’s under his blue mask. “I’m such a mess.”

“They won’t judge you, you know that right?”

“I do... I’m just scared.”

“I know you are but I’ll be right by your side.” Jackieboy Man backed out of the hug and took Chase’s hand for comfort. He guided the man out into his bedroom where the other egos were waiting, all extremely worried.

“I’m sorry for being such a burden,” was the first thing Chase said. “I didn’t mean to worry you...”

“You don’t need to apologise! We’re all just extremely thankful you’re here!” Marvin grinned at Chase before hugging him tightly. Chase didn’t expect it so he squeaked slightly before leaning into the embrace. Everyone soon joined in for a large, cheesy group hug.

Sure Chase wasn’t in a great place but he had some amazing friends to help him get through it. They helped give him hope that one day things would get better... and they did. Maybe not straight away but, eventually, he managed to smile again (real smiles, not fake!)


End file.
